The last weeks have been really tough. I felt stuck, unhappy and everything that has been crystal clear to me two months ago became completely uncertain again.
Since more than a month I haven’t been writing any more. The reason for that is because I started to feel less and less happy with publishing a new post every week. My level of motivation went really low and I had to rethink this whole project before I felt ready to write another line…
When I started this whole project I thought that writing this blog is going to be amazing. But the truth is: blogging sucks!!! At least that’s what I experienced so far…
Why I don’t like to write this blog
There are several reasons why I don’t like to write on my own blog.
- Writing takes me waaaay to much time. The average post took me about 14 hours. That’s 2 hours every day! One reason for that might be my perfectionism, the other is that the translating part is a real pain in the ass! It’s way more effortful to write in a foreign language than to have a casual chat with someone.
- As writing uses up so much time and energy it „slows me down“ with working on my main goal: figuring out how I can build a business around the stuff I love.
- I have to conquer my weaker self every morning to get going. I thought it is going to get easier, …but it doesn’t.
- It makes me spend way more time in front of my computer than I like.
- It seems like my mood depends a lot on the reactions to my posts. If I don’t get any feedback I start asking myself „What am I doing this for?“
- I don’t like the pressure of having to come up with good topics and valuable content every week. There is always this unsatisfying feeling of still having unfinished business to do.
Why I do like to write this blog
There are several things that I really like about writing this blog.
- I like the feeling of having created something of value.
- Once I get into my writing flow I get a lot done and feel great about it!
- I like the reactions & appreciation I get.
- I like it when people find themselves in what I wrote. It feels awesome if someone can relate to the stuff I care about.
- The blog helps me to find like-minded people. Not only people that I did not know before, but also friends of mine of which I didn’t know that they feel somehow the same way.
- I love the aspect of self-discovery. Every written post is a huge boost of knowledge about myself.
What I came to realize now
I don’t want to write for a living (at least not full time)
I used to think that building a successful blog is the coolest thing ever. You have to know that I get almost all my input from blogs and I see how much influence some of the people behind those blogs have and how successful they have become by spreading their ideas. Somehow I started to believe that this is what I want to have as well. I made a huge mistake: I expected that this will fulfill me without even trying it out first…
I need to focus on myself
This writing thing won’t work for me if I do it for the wrong reasons. Unless I find ways to make the writing more valuable than painful to me I am going to quit sooner or later. And I think the only way to get there is if I start to write for myself. Like keeping a diary. If I don’t focus on myself my mood and motivation will always depend on the reactions of others.
I thought I know what it is I want to do
I thought I am already way further. I thought I figured out everything… but the truth is: I don’t know shit…. I don’t have a clue how it is when you do what you love every day or even earning money in doing so. I am still experimenting with this myself. I expected that blogging and helping people to find and do work they love is THE right thing for me…
I thought that this website is going to be the solution. But it’s not. It can only be a tool to find the solution!
The hard lesson I had to learn is that I don’t know shit about anything until I try things out myself and see if it works for me. (Important note for myself: Don’t expect shit!)
Life is an experiment
I thought I already learned this lesson, but obviously I haven’t… To truly figure out what lights me up on fire I have to be willing to fall down over and over and over again and don’t stop getting up on my feet until I found what I have been looking for. Just because other people seem to be happy with their solution does not guarantee that I will feel the same way. If I really want to find the stuff I love to do I have to be willing to go the tough path of trial and error.
The solution – this blog needs to change!
I still think that this blog can be tremendously helpful for me and for other people, but it won’t if I don’t change some things about it. So if I want to keep going I need to modify certain things…
From now on I am going to write only about stuff that I am currently working on. I will let you know what bothers me, what I care about at the moment or what I am planning to do. No more „expert-articles“ about stuff that I think I have figured out. Just my progress and my ups & downs on my pursuit of living my dream.
I still believe and will always keep believing that pursuing a life where I can do work that lights me up on fire is the only way to go!
The last weeks have been tough and it felt like a major setback to realize that I am still so unsure about how I gonna pull this off. I know that I still have a long way to go, but I will not stop until I figured this out for myself.
So I guess this blog is going to evolve. From now on I will let you know how I am progressing on my journey towards a life full of stuff I love to do. I think it’s going to be more like a travel blog, where you can come by to have a look at where I am right now on my journey. I won’t leave out any bad parts, so you can witness first hand if I make it and you can see all the ups & downs. Better than a soap opera ;)
One Life Baby, One Life!